...(on Sept. 9) from the UCB Theatre where I saw the solo New York debut of the great David O'Doherty. He was absolutely hilarious, with disturbing amounts of new stuff, strongly performed. It was part of UCB's "UK Invasion" tour, showing that while their political knowledge is sketchy, their comic sense is right on.

...(on Aug. 23) from the Alan Colmes radio show, where Barry Weintraub was gracious enough to let me and Ross Bennett help him through the final hour. While many of the callers wanted to "talk politics" (blame Bill Clinton for everything they don't currently blame Barack Obama for), we three comedians twisted their words to the breaking point in order to launch jokes. What was achieved? A relatively painless hour, at least for us.

...(on July 22) from "New Talent" night at Comix in New York, where I closed the show after a bunch of young up-and-comers tried out their stuff in front of the friends and family members they were able to bully down to the Meatpacking District. There were some bright spots, but most notable to me were the young males' benighted attitudes toward women, expressed very brashly, even to the point of slowly spelling out their website addresses after their mean-spirited, degenerate musings. Horrible. If you were a spiritual person, you might say that this is what happens when you build a comedy club on top of a hundred-year old slaughterhouse. The energy's bound to be inhumane.

(on Apr. 20) from Wilkes-Barre's Mohegan Sun Arena (well, one end of it), where I helped entertain the good people of Benco Dental. They were an absolute delight from start to finish: They laughed like...well, people who get nitrous oxide at wholesale, and they were extremely easy to deal with before the show, supplying plenty of insider details to facilitate my mockery. Thanks, Benco, for being a dream client. Let's do some more of these.

...(on Mar. 17) from New Orleans, where I did a show for a corporate group and then soaked up a little French Quarter for a couple days--as long as one stays off of Bourbon Street, all's sublime--simply great atmosphere. Bourbon St. seemed to be thousands of red-faced men shouting, an alcoholic convention. At least the music's so loud that you can't understand what the idiots are saying. Just a block away, however, might be a hundred and fifty years ago.

...(on Feb. 5) from Carolines, where I guested on a show headlined by Susie Essman, long-time comic and beloved regular on HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Susie packed the joint, despite what was supposed to be a massive snow dump. Impressive.

...(on Jan. 15) from Gotham Comedy Club, where I had a delightful encounter with Jeff Stilson as he prepped his upcoming Letterman set. It's always nice when your comedy influences turn out to be really nice guys. Check out his latest set on Dave next week.

...(on Dec. 18) from Troy, New York, where I entertained the great people at Treo Solutions in the Rensselaer Technology Park, a mini-Research Triangle or Route 128. Getting there was a treat: Amtrak's Adirondack, hugging the Hudson the whole way. It may be loaded with PCBs in its bottom sediment, but it's beautiful up top. Two hours out of Penn Station, we'd made the switch from pigeons and starlings to swans, a red-tailed hawk and a bald eagle. Nice.

...(on Nov. 18) from hosting the 14th Annual MITX Interactive Awards in Boston. Here are a few nuggets reviewing the proceedings, described as "a little like the Academy Awards for websites." Thanks for noticing that I "kept the audience laughing" and my "wry and colorful style." Very perceptive bunch...

...(on Nov. 13) from the Intertubes, where someone has posted a phone video of a portion of The Great Stewart Lee's new show. The guy is absolutely brilliant, maddeningly so for someone who's nominally in the same business. I'm not sure how he feels about his stuff appearing on the internet without permission, but it's done and I indulged for free. In the clip he discusses the recoiling of the comedy audience when he pulls out a guitar and plans to sing a song, and the punchline is "the last taboo in standup is a man trying to do something sincerely and well." See his show, "If You Prefer a Milder Comedian, Please Ask For One," for all the context, and then buy up all the previous shows you can get. You won't regret it. He does standup sincerely well.

...(on Nov. 12) from The Comic Strip where I worked with old pal Vic Henley, who had a funny story about doing that rarest of shows, the "dirty corporate." Apparently the Texas Truckers Association or some such made it very clear that, unlike virtually all such events, Vic was free to salt things liberally. Vic was sweating hard to make things dirty enough for these people; that's the freedom that comes with performing in a state that has banned all worker protections, even at banquets.

...(on Oct.5) from Louisville, where I got the increasingly rare chance to work with my oldest buddy, comedic titan Brett Leake. Brett and I did years of touring along this great nation's highways (usually in his Honda Accord, but sometimes in his Mitsubishi Montero—I wasn't successful enough to own a vehicle), telling jokes, eating chicken sandwiches and Vietnamese food, slipping on ice, crawling up mountains (on the way to Snowshoe, WV) and stopping at Civil War battlefields and Devonian fossil beds. Glamorous? Sure. Sexy? I’m certain the ladies would say “mos’ def’.” Nothing sexier than a man getting out of a car after a 10-hour drive smelling of Boston Market. Once we even had to get Brett a new sock because his shoe had filled with gravy—glad that some of the stimulus money is finally starting to fix America’s roads.

...(on Sept. 18) from Union Hall in Brooklyn, where my faith in the possibilities of comedy was rejuvenated, once again, by a Brit. Daniel Kitson gave a smart and humane disquisition on death and related matters for about 80 minutes and was hilarious throughout. He and Stewart Lee make me feel like continuing.

...(on Aug. 8) from my first trip to Vail, where I entertained the good people of the Colorado Mortgage Lenders Association, who were surprisingly chipper given the battering the bursting of the housing bubble has given them. While I don't think Vail is in the heart of the highest Rockies, it was still very impressive terrain. How people function in the winters is a mystery. The summer weather was very volatile--sunny and clear gives way to hail the size of gorilla fists in the same afternoon (note to self--go ahead and get the coverage on the rental car next time).

...(on July 16) from driving the Coast Road, Route 1 from Pebble Beach to San Luis Obispo. Scenic? Yes. Exhausting? Undeniably. Mix hairpin turns, rockslides, distracting scenery, fog and then toss in a few Lance Armstrong-aping cyclists. I can see why Steve McQueen would toss back a few at Ventana in Big Sur. It probably eased the shakes.

...(on April 6) from the box: HD TV has come to the Caldwell home, which means I’m putting off my eye exam for another year—very crisp and clear. Why anyone would pay to see a game live anymore is beyond me, although that may have something to do with my feelings about being in close proximity to large groups of people. I’m thankful, then, that my career hasn’t taken off to such a level where this would be a problem.

...(on Mar.7) from a very satisfying fundraising event for the Parkside School. Our host was the genial and funny Al Roker, and Paula Zahn introduced an informative and touching video about the kids and the school. I told some jokes, they laughed, and we guzzled much donated food and booze at the posh Nobu 57. The missus and I rode home, happy about helping the kids, happy about the successful performance, and very happy about the chocolate chip cookies in the gift bag.

... (on Jan. 6) from Sarasota, where I told jokes for New Year’s Eve and the following days at McCurdy’s Comedy Theatre and got to visit with friends and pick up shells and watch pelicans and egrets and horses and dogs. I am a sucker for the animals, from the opossum rooting in the garbage to, as my wife will attest, the goats on the funny video show that butt small children at petting zoos. The missus knows that I generally have very sophisticated and subtle taste in comedy, but a goat butting a toddler will poleaxe me every time. Meanwhile, back in reality, the world continues to disintegrate—it’s a cold hand on the neck in the night when Paul Krugman, Nobel-winning economist who specializes in Depression-conditions, describes things as “terrifying.” Of course, the kids on CNBC are busy trying to rewrite history, claiming that economic stimulus never works (unless it’s tax cuts, of course) and that FDR was all wrong, and so on. Hey, we let you pretend Reagan was on top of things, how about you leave Franklin alone?

(on Dec. 6) from watching CNN in the hotel gym. Watching the recent sorry O.J. Simpson spectacle got me reminiscing about my childhood sports idols, among whom the Juice was a prominent one. I distinctly remember watching a USC game in black-and-white in which O.J. was absolutely running crazy (it would've been '67 or '68, but I can't remember the opponent—identifying teams was harder in black-and-white, too). I also remember pretending I was the Juice, diving into the "end zone" (usually, my bed, as my dad didn't take kindly to my diving into his precious green velvet couch, and I didn't want others to see me pretending, anyway). His speed and grace as a pro are well-documented, and to be that smooth on an often snowy Buffalo field is more remarkable. The guy was the greatest, and handsome and likeable, too, at least from my simple vantage point. This week I'm performing in Kansas City, which was one of my San Diego Chargers' old AFL rivals, although the Chargers didn't often compete with those great Chiefs teams. Another guy I'd pretend to be: Defensive lineman Buck Buchanan, whom I remember taking off his helmet in disgust and slamming it down on the field, which I would mimic, except it was in the concrete alley behind our apartment building, so a few slams and I'd cracked open my helmet. Ah, it didn't matter, it didn't have the faceguard that I wanted, anyway. It was some sort of cheap, no-name helmet, and it didn't have the two low bars with nothing blocking the eyes that O.J. had, or the larger full grid that a lot of linemen and Joe Namath had. It was what Hannibal Lector would've worn if he'd played Pop Warner, two low bars and a concave bit between the eyes that was never and will never be seen in the NFL. Ridiculous. Good riddance.

...(on Oct. 28) from Carolines, where Darrell Hammond dropped in last night and scraped the rust off his standup very capably. One bit that stood out for me was something about watching political news--one interview is about capital gains tax policy, another about the Darfur situation, then a flip of the channel to Al Sharpton: "I didn't SAY Giuliani was a Bozo...I SAID Bozo would do a better job than Giuliani!" Guess you had to be there...Of course, the spot-on impression is what makes it.

...(on Oct. 12) from Modesto, California, where Wendy Liebman, Colin and Brad, and I entertained for the benefit of the Laci and Conner Search and Rescue Fund. Laci Peterson's mom, Sharon Rocha, organized the event and quite skillfully brought on our MC for the evening, the great Larry King. Larry had a seemingly bottomless supply of hilarious jokes, even performing a Redd Foxx nugget AS Redd Foxx. I picked his brain on numerous topics, marriage not being one of them.

(on Sept. 19) from the Harvard Club in New York, where I told the jokes to the Best and Brightest and the oak paneling and Teddy Roosevelt's oil portrait. Karen Bergreen had a great joke about the mounted animal heads on the wall ("the Sarah Palin Room") and dinner was given by playwright Spence Porter. The laughs were a little scanty, but, to be fair, maybe they were all Lehman stockholders.

...(on June 22)from Norfolk, Nebraska, the hometown of Johnny Carson (although Corning, Iowa has a claim on him, too), where I performed at the inaugural edition of the Great American Comedy Festival. Also attending were Robert Klein and Dick Cavett, two giants that I laughed at and learned from as a youth. Dick is still remarkably loquacious and spry, as evidenced by his tutorial (to comedy competition winner Deacon Gray) on how to moon-walk. He also regaled us with a salty Jack Benny anecdote and a trick learned from Woody Allen to overcome pre-show nerves (do a Bob Hope impression—Cavett swears it works). As all the participants coalesced at Omaha’s airport for our flights home, roughly half of the New York-bound comics were flying to La Guardia (with a connection in Cleveland), while I and the rest of the Gothamers were flying directly to Newark. I was a bit cocky about my direct flight and how much earlier I’d be arriving home, especially so when the La Guardia flight was boarded and then de-boarded because of a mechanical problem. I, Eddie Brill, Robert Klein and a few others boarded our direct flight and I gave a flippant “sorry, losers, gotta go home now” to the furious LGAs. If one were to believe in justice in the world, this would be an example of it at work. Our plane moved onto the tarmac, stopped, waited a half-hour, and then returned to the terminal, to be de-boarded due to air traffic problems in Newark. I tried to explain to the pilot as we exited the plane that I couldn’t face the others, I’d talked a lot of smack upon boarding. The crew was unsympathetic and I had to face my deserved mockery. A valuable lesson in humility for the kids out there.

...(on June 9)from the nation’s capital, where I did a little joking and was disappointed not to have been lobbied once. Could my influence be waning? I did take a walk from the hotel to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW (on possibly the most uncomfortably hot day I’ve ever experienced, and I spent seven years in Arizona), and saw a typical American family heading the same way, enjoying their vacation in the most powerful city in the world. Dad, Mom, sullen daughter, and approximately eleven-year-old boy, who, upon seeing that the group had drawn up in front of a rather imposing fence, looked at the large white house and asked seriously, “What’s that?” Hmmm…it’s a house… in Washington…a city named after a president… okay, Billy, focus…it’s white…it’s a white house…anything? You studied it this year in class…anything at all?

To be fair, maybe he was humidity-addled.

...(on May 9) from the sports pages in Louisville, where there's still buzz about Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie's scholarship offer to an 8th grader. The kid seems pretty motivated; he either wants to be a 2-guard or a fireman.

It's great to be here and see a couple of my all-time favorite comics, the great Marty Pollio and the great Will Hardesty. These are the kind of dudes that make me laugh really hard, then get annoyed at how funny they are, then get inspired to get to work to get as funny as they are.

...(on Apr. 10) from the sports pages. These Olympics look to be exciting: We're already getting some very fast times from the torch-bearers. The Chinese government has blocked access in China to YouTube, preventing citizens from seeing recent pro-democracy riots in Lhasa; on the positive side, also blocked were hundreds of thousands of videos of guys in Indiana getting hit in the groin.

...(on Apr. 6) from Memphis, where I told jokes, the locals cheered on their NCAA men's team, and everyone watched the 40th anniversary remembrance of Dr. King's assassination. I thought I had some tough shows, but then I saw McCain's appearance at the Lorraine Motel. It's good to see that the sanitation workers that MLK was trying to help are getting a better shake now.

...(on Mar. 27) from LA and Sarasota, part of my "I'm tired of chapped lips" tour. I did a spot on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, then did the week at McCurdy's Comedy Theatre, including a special engagement for the Rotary Club and the great Scottie Stoddard. I'm pretty sure they wanted me because of my inspiring business acumen and drive. Anyone who can be in a career for 21 years and be making in the low five figures is deserving of study

...(on Mar. 2) from St. Patrick's Day. No, that's not a misprint--due to the fact that we can't afford to book bagpipe bands closer to the actual day, my town celebrates St. Patrick over two weeks early, with a parade and people upchucking as early as 11 AM (the bars open at 9 AM--to be fair, that is 2 PM in Ireland). Here's a snippet of real-life celebration: JEFF is walking his dogs near the college. A young couple weaves towards Jeff and the dogs. The male is attired in traditional Irish garb (a green plastic derby with "Coors'" printed on it). MALE: "Those are good dogs." FEMALE: "Boxers." Well, he was right and she was wrong. They then staggered on their way and, while non-Boxer Maisey had her hackles up, she didn't bark, which is unusual when she sees any non-standard locomotion or behavior.

(on Feb. 29) Just back from memory lane. I watched an ESPN report on the misfortunes of the Houston Rockets and was transported back in time to my first meeting with a star professional athlete, the Big E. It was definitely the best thing I did in my few weeks of being a Cub Scout (although seeing the Den Mother's son throw up into his uniform hat was pretty amazing); I kept waiting for scouting to involve camping and backwoods stuff and wild animals and Native American techniques of tracking and so on. All we did, seemingly, except for that magical night when Elvin Hayes got roped into doing a PA in our little elementary school auditorium, was sit in the Den Mother's garage and sing. Are you kidding me? I have to wear this idiot rigout at school all day and all I get is garage singing? We weren't even learning to be a garage band, it was folk songs! Wildlife? I guess we saw a few black widows crawling out of her stored boxes--probably disturbed by our disgruntled singing. We did go out in the woods one day--to pick up trash! Look, little convicts! I remember thinking, "How long do I have to stay in this crap organization to justify my mom spending the money on my uniform?" Anyway, thanks, Elvin, and all the San Diego Rockets, including the great Calvin Murphy, John Q. Trapp (who lived in our apartment building), Pat Riley, Stu Lantz, Rudy T, Bingo Smith, Rick Adelman, and John Block. I can't, of course, find the photo that E autographed for me; it probably rests on a riverbank, waiting to be picked up by a current angry trash-picking Cub, along with the ball Nolan Ryan autographed and the Chargers jersey that I won in a Taco Bell coloring contest and my parents never bothered to pick up. Still very bitter.

...(on Feb. 15) from the theater, where I finally saw the latest Rambo installment, in which Stallone heads back to Southeast Asia in search of cut-price human growth hormone...I watched Roger Clemens testify on the Hill this week--so many unanswered questions...we heard about the nanny, but never got clarity on whether she was taking HGH. Kids certainly look up to their player-heroes, but who influences the little ones more than their nannies?...Indiana basketball coach Kelvin Sampson is alleged to have made improper recruiting phone calls, as he did in his last job. He thought he was okay under the newly revised FISA act.

...(on Feb. 13)from my computer. I'd finally had enough of all the junk email solicitations clogging my inbox, so I made a concerted effort to unsubscribe from all of them. Now I don't get any emails at all. Do I have any friends? So lonely...Oh, how I yearn for just a quick update on Williams-Sonoma's seasonal marmalades and chutneys!

Or is it "chutnies"?

...(on Feb. 10) from my floor, upon which I was doing some "core" exercises. This consists of me doing about 5 crunches, and then one or both of my dogs standing on my chest and licking me or biting my nose. This added resistance is crucial to working the tiny trunk muscles that make slouching possible.

...(on Jan. 28) Wandered around my old campus recently and was struck by the overpowering thought that it was MUCH nicer now—I got completely reamed on this deal. Very posh housing, sleek new buildings, Barnes & Noble with café. I’m furious. Obviously, someone’s responding to those fundraising appeals that choke my trash can. People worry about privacy, but, based on the amount of money they spend trying to get me to donate, JHU has no idea how little disposable income I’ve got.

...(on Jan. 17) from Boston, where I taped a set on "NESN's Comedy All-Stars," a sports standup show hosted by my bud Gary Gulman. Gully was very funny and annoyingly good-looking, and the roster was full of great comics, including Boston standouts Tony V and Mike Donovan, who turned me on to the "Red at the Tube Bar" recordings, which make me laugh until I cry. I did my set, got a ride to South Station, and was headed back to NYC within 45 minutes of stepping offstage, still in my makeup, raising some eyebrows.

...(on Jan. 9)from the TV, where I see that Hillary beat Barack in NH after being buried by the geniuses. I don't know who would be the best person for the job, but, as a comic, I do know something about humiliating failure in front of people--the political pundits really stank up the place. How about having all the reporters relate their biggest mistakes like they wanted Bush to do a few years ago?

...(on Jan. 1) from our nation's capital. In addition to the great audiences at the DC Improv, I got to help my main man Brett Leake bust his van out of a DC impound lot after he made an unfortunate parking choice. Like a squad of Army Rangers, if Rangers were recruited from high school chess clubs, this four-eyed posse met H-Hour with grim smiles and started to roll: With the Improv's Allyson Jaffe behind the wheel, I rode shotgun and navigated (read Allyson's pre-printed Mapquest directions), while Leaker was in the backseat cracking jokes. Pretty cool customer, considering his wallet was also missing and, we hoped, still inside the van. It was. Leaker got away with just a hundred dollar ticket and a night's hotel, I didn't have to get rough with the fellas down at the tow yard, and Allyson...had a lot of her time wasted and remained cheerful.

...(on Dec. 21) from the sports page. The University of Louisville women's basketball team attended my show Wednesday night, then defeated the University of Kentucky's squad by 15 on Thursday. Coincidence?

...(on Dec. 20) from 98.1 The Bull, a country radio station in Lexington, Kentucky, where I'm working this week. I was in the studio with half of Montgomery Gentry and his wife (who may or may not be the other half of Montgomery Gentry). The Montgomerys and/or Gentrys were very friendly, and while the male half made the DJ very nervous by salting his conversation with profanity off-air, he was clean as a whistle when the light went on. Kind of like Nixon, or, I suspect, Martha Stewart.

...(on Nov. 14) from walking the dogs (illegally) on the grounds of Stevens Institute, our local Hoboken college, with its amazing view overlooking the Hudson and Manhattan. This morning we encountered one of the red-tailed hawk couple that hunt here (I don't know if it was Mr. or Mrs., or maybe it was a same-sex couple, who's to say?) and I was startled as it swung low out of a tree at our approach and swooped within feet of us and then up to a higher perch to stare at us. The dogs seemed unimpressed, focused on their precious squirrels, but I'll wager they'd feel differently if it swooped down at us and tried to cart one of them off.

...(on Sept. 10) from the Jukebox in Peoria. Nestled between the nudie bar and the stock car track, it's not often that a comedy club is the highbrow entertainment alternative, but we brought a little culture. Peoria boasts Richard Pryor and Sam Kinison among its comedy products, and no doubt legions of great race drivers and exotic dancers.

Taking a page from St. Louis and its Gateway Arch, P-Town has erected a lovely structure that's similarly welcoming. I don't know how bad that racer had to wreck to land up there, but let's hope he's okay.

...(on Aug. 23) from watching the Ghost of Padres Present defeat the Ghost of Padres Past. The Moundsman of Mobile mowed down 11 of the Metropolitans before taking pity. It was Polish-American night at the ballyard, so to show my solidarity I took discreet nips of Belvedere from the trusty flask. The boys look pretty decent as they come down the home stretch...

...(on Aug.9) from the Crowded House show at the Beacon Theatre in New York. I’ve seen Neil Finn live before, but this was the first time with CH; there were some great harmony moments, the new album material is great, and Neil was in fine voice. Also ran into NBC casting guru Marc Hirschfeld in the lobby, a real mensch who obviously has great musical taste. Sorry about the time, Marc, when I pretended I’d never heard of “Seinfeld,” that I was “more of a ‘Mr. Belvedere’ man.”

...(on July 23) from Carolines, where I did the closing spots for the Carolines comedy school graduation shows. I got to tell the eager young beavers that if they work hard and play by the rules, twenty years later it could be one of them in my place making $50.

...(on July 16) from the Catskills, where the great Dan Naturman and I "entertained" a nice bunch of folks who mostly couldn't hear us. Some felt it was too soft, others winced at the "too loud" volume, still others opined that it was "too boomy." It's very hard to tune a room for a hundred 85-year olds. Or was it eighty-five 100-year olds? That's what comes from listening to years of high-decibel Tommy Dorsey.

...(on July 10) from Court Street, where the missus and I drank and dined with the great Tim and Barb Tuttle. Besides sharing the affliction of having two dogs in the shotgun houses we have in Hoboken, Tim is an outstanding athlete/musician/energy trader or broker or something like that that he's tried to explain to me several times, and Barb is a very talented actress/playwright/model. We guzzled mightily and yelled at the All-Star Game, urging on my San Diego Padre representatives.

...(on July 3rd) from Binghamton University, where I opened for Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons at the Anderson Center for the Arts. While the elusive and coveted 18-34 demographic was busy texting or trying to get their crashed iPhones rebooted, the much less-desired but definitely better 35-Death demo was an absolutely great audience

....(on June 15th) from my desk, where I'm reading the news online. How bad are America's products? China's growth rate is three times ours, and everything they export is poison!

...(on June 5th) from The Cat Laughs comedy festival in Kilkenny, Ireland--the Irish were almost uniformly kind (there were three kids on bikes who called me a "f*cking tw*t," but, then, kids hate me locally, too). It was a privilege to share the stage with hilarious acts from Australia (Carl Barron), Ireland (Jarlath Regan), Scotland (Frankie Boyle), Canada (the great Stewart Francis), and other Yanks (Nick Griffin and Lewis Black). The festival was run brilliantly, and it was fascinating to watch a heckler being dealt with Irish-style--it seems that over there, the MC (the Pride of Corbally, Karl Spain, in this instance) tells the offender sternly to "shut yer c*nting hole" and makes as if to head butt the rowdy patron, who is then saved by the bouncers and removed from Karl's path of destruction. Maybe it's time for American comedy club owners to take off the leashes?

...(on May 27th) from the gym, where I got to reminiscing about how great it was to be in the "gifted" program in the fifth grade at the Adelaide Price School in Anaheim. Why? Was it the great Mrs. Wade, who taught us to love literature but also praised "Sanford and Son"? The fantastic field trips to places like the La Brea tar pits? My brilliant classmates, especially the perennial science fair winner Jeff Rumble, who found errors in the presentation at the La Brea Tar Pits[and not just there, but also in this faulty memory, correcting my recollection of the teacher's and the school's name]? No, it was because I was the fastest kid in the class. It was quite a shock the next year when we moved to Phoenix and I rejoined the mainstream, to find the others whizzing past me on the track. You'd think my prodigious mental gifts would've given me a philosophical perspective on it, or that my understanding of the problems of drawing conclusions from too small a sample size would've eased my burden, but I was just furious.

...(on May 17th) from the Wings Theatre in New York, where we told jokes to help the environment. With the proceeds from our seventeen attendees, we can just about clean up the theater.

...(on May 7th) from another Tennessee ramble, where I did a fundraiser for the fabulous (I'm sure) Jackson Symphony Orchestra. The cream of Jackson society was out, bolting burritos and guzzling margaritas in either a premature Cinco de Mayo fiesta (this was on el dos de Mayo) or just a celebration of Jackson's rich Mexican heritage. They were great laughers and we even had some local media on the scene.

...(on April 18th) from The Colbert Report, where I did the audience warm-up. I joked for 43 minutes while the writers did their final script polish, and then handed things off to Stephen. Quite awe-inspiring on the set, with Harriet Miers's and Robert Bork's pictures and Bill O'Reilly's microwave staring down at me.

...(on April 8th) from Indianapolis's Auto Mile and Comedy Mecca. The great Alan Johnson recorded the shows with an eye to making the long-awaited Jeff Caldwell CD. He's been behind the board for other great voices (John Fogerty, Babyface, Kenny Loggins), but I got the feeling that he was in awe of my prodigious pipes. I'll let everyone know when it's ready so they can stock up for the holidays, although I'm sure it'll be a perfect gift year-round.

...(on Mar. 23rd) from Old Greenwich, Connecticut, where I crept the boards at the Arcadia Coffee Co. The setting was civilized and the crowd was intelligent--kudos to little Janey Condon for putting together such an elegant evening of comedy. The gritty streets of Brockton, Massachusetts not only produce great pugilists (Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Rocky Marciano), but sophisticated wits. I'm gonna bet on the kid from Brockton to be the Last Comic Standing!

...(on Feb. 26th) from Chattanooga, Tennessee. I flew from Chattanooga to Memphis next to Senator Bob Corker, the former mayor of Chattanooga who recently defeated Harold Ford, Jr. with the help of at least one idiotic ad. Bob was only a middling row-mate, as he was bathed in cologne and was mumbling George Washington's Farewell Address the whole hour trip (you just got to D.C. in January, Bob, are you already planning a stirring adios?). Still, he did avoid fundraising during the flight, but maybe that was because we were on a commuter plane in coach--we were, judging by the sweatpants and Wal-Mart carry-ons, pretty slim pickings.

(on Jan. 27th) from Kennewick, Man! That's Kennewick, Washington, one of the Tri-Cities, but I don't have to tell you that. I performed at the Toyota Center, which has hosted such great comedians as Scotty Gomez, Stu Barnes, and Daymond Langkow. While some comedians "kill," I "cross-checked" the audience into the boards with laughter.

(on New Year's Eve) from Washington, DC, where I was performing at the Mix 107.3 FM bash at the Hyatt Regency Capitol Hill. Great-looking bunch, all dolled up--I told the jokes despite heavy competition from the delicious finger-food area and the recently opened open bar. I soldiered on and got some chuckles...

(on Dec. 29th) from the Starbucks in Hoboken, where I was in line behind my Senator, Bob Menendez. He noticed that the container of skim milk was empty and within minutes it was refilled--that's the can-do, sleeves-rolled-up effectiveness I demand from a legislator!